


L'Âme Souffrante (L'Amour Fidèle)

by FairyQueen (etoilecourageuse)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Curses, Despair, F/M, Family, Heavy Angst, Illnesses, Love, Major Illness, Self-Sacrifice, Temporary Character Death, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7820908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/FairyQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Druella has always been skilled with potions, has mastered nearly every branch of healing magic over the course of her life… But it is not enough. Nothing is ever enough to save her Cygnus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	L'Âme Souffrante (L'Amour Fidèle)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bluemermaid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaid/gifts).



> My darling, I really, really hope that you like this! This whole piece flowed so much better than anything else I have written in these past weeks and months, and it was just amazing to dive so deep into our beloved Ella/Cygnus angst again. Apologies in advance for the tissues you will need, but I am actually really proud of how this turned out... And desperately hoping that you will enjoy it! I adore you so much <333.

It felt as though her home lay in an eternal slumber. It felt as though darkness had veiled not only the sky, not only the house but also her soul, as though she were underwater, numb and yet slowly drowning. 

Druella had ensured that her daughters would never see her tears, her despair, had been careful not to allow them to them visit their father in the master bedroom no matter how much they begged for it, as they could realise the true extent of his illness. She had done everything, everything to protect them… 

Illness… Was it truly an illness that had befallen him, that had befallen her husband? Cygnus… Her Cygnus, to see him so still in his bed, eyes closed and scarcely breathing, to feel his fevered skin upon hers as she so tenderly brushed the sweat off his brow… It weighed heavy upon her heart, seemed to tear her apart from the inside, and nothing, nothing at all would give her relief. 

Death lingered close. There was no denying it, not now, weeks after he had fallen into his fitful sleep and not awoken, after the fever had consumed his body and begun to take his strength from him, slowly, day by day and night by night. There was no denying it, not after she had tried anything, anything within her capability to help him, to at least relieve him from his agony… All to no avail. 

She had always been skilled with potions, had mastered nearly every branch of healing magic over the course of her life… But it was not enough. Nothing was ever enough, nothing she were to attempt would ever be enough to save him, to save her Cygnus. He was lost. Everything was lost. 

Death lingered close. Death lingered close, would approach him with every minute passing, and she could nearly feel it, could nearly hear its slow, eerie steps… What would become of her if he were to leave her, truly? What would she do without him, who would Druella be without her Cygnus? He was her pillar, the rock her life was built upon, her soulmate, her everything… He was her everything… So how could she possibly let him go? How could she possibly imagine a life, a world, without her husband if he _was_ her world? How? 

Death lingered close, but Druella would not allow the shadows to claim her husband, would bargain with each demon of the Underworld and even the Grim Reaper himself if through bargaining alone she could save him, would offer any sacrifice if it were to pull him from the darkness… Death lingered close, but no… She would not allow her husband to surrender. She would not watch her girls grow up without their father. 

This was no ordinary fever… This was no ordinary fever, no ordinary illness that had befallen him, it was more, so much more, as otherwise her potions would have saved him, as otherwise the spell would not have deflected off his body as though he were immune to white magic, perhaps to any form of magic at all… 

Magic. Of course there was magic involved, as how could it be any different? Of course it was magic, a curse perhaps, darker than any she had ever seen, ever known… Druella would be a fool to assume otherwise, had frantically searched every book she had gotten hold of for an explanation, for… But nothing. There had been nothing at all. 

There were questions, countless questions burning upon her lips, all of them unanswered… What kind of magic was it that had penetrated his body so violently, that had torn her from him so suddenly, without the chance to say good-bye? What kind of curse had caused his body to fall apart, and with it, her soul? And who… Who could possibly have done this, who could possibly despise them in a way that took her breath away, a way that she had not believed to be possibly? Who could have… Or had it been an accident? Had it been merely an accident, had Cygnus brought the darkness upon himself by touching an artefact, perhaps a book, by reading a piece of magic aloud and…? 

No. Of course not. He was a powerful wizard, knew better than to touch objects he found on the attic, knew better than to… Of course it had not been an accident… 

She would find them. Countless times, when fading into sleep by his bedside, Druella had vowed to herself and to her husband that she would find whoever had done this to him, that she would avenge him for what had been done to him, for what had been done to them all… To bring such terrors upon their family, to bereave three children of their father, and with him also their mother, to push them all into the abyss… 

Druella would no longer be the same without him, would turn into stone in the moment she lost him, truly, in the moment his heart ceased to beat… How could she possibly care for three young girls then, how could she possibly provide them the strength they needed, give them hold when there was none to be given, when she, too, was falling? 

She would avenge him… But what would it do to avenge him, if it weren’t to bring him back to her, what would it do to dwell upon revenge when he was still breathing, when he was still there, barely alive and yet…? No. No, she would not think of revenge not yet, would keep her vow but at first… At first she’d save him, would not rest until she found a way to save him, a way to bring her Cygnus back to her, back to life… 

How much she missed him. And how desperately she longed for his touch, for his eyes to open and his lips to speak… His voice… How long had it been since she had last heard his voice, since he had last whispered to her? How long had it been since…? How much she missed him… 

She would not surrender. Even if it were hopeless, even if he was truly doomed to die, truly lost to her and this world… Even then she would not surrender, would not be able to forgive herself if there were a way after all, a way she had failed to find. She would not surrender. 

There was one last book remaining, her final hope, the last book from their library, bound in heavy dark leather, that Druella kept on Cygnus’ bedside table as she would never leave the bedroom unless to look after her daughters, as she did not dare to look away from him for longer than a minute, too afraid that he might surrender, that he might leave her in the moment she did. 

There was one last book remaining, a book she read so carefully, her eyes flying over the letters in the desperate search for a hint, for anything, anything at all, searching for… There. There it was. There it was, it couldn’t be anything different, it couldn’t be another curse… There it was… It had always been so close, had always been right there before her very eyes and she had not found it until the very end, until it had been almost too late… There it was…

Druella gasped for air, nearly screamed out in both terror and relief as she found it, as what she read seemed to exceed anything she had ever dared to imagine, even her worst nightmares. It was a curse, indeed… A curse so cruel, so merciless, that it took her breath away, that she could scarcely believe her eyes, her own mind… 

He was not to be saved. Cygnus was not to be saved, could not possibly be pulled from the verge of Death, unless… Unless… Druella cried out in earnest now, causing her husband to stir fitfully in this slumber, as though from wherever he was he could sense her dread, as though still he could feel her… Their bond, their sacred bond, had never torn, was indestructible, as even the most horrifying curses were incapable of doing any damage at all, so why shouldn’t he? Why shouldn’t he sense…?

Panic began to rise within her, caused her to jolt from her seat and pace restlessly about the room, her body nearly trembling as much as her husband’s. A sacrifice… There needed to be a sacrifice, a life given willingly instead of his… Only then he would be saved, only then he would wake and live… Only then he would return to his daughters, and to… 

Who would she be without him? Who… What would become of her, if…? How would she possibly be capable of coping without her husband, of living without him? She had made a promise… Druella had made a promise to do everything, anything, to save him; she had made a promise to… A sacrifice. It required a sacrifice, greater than anything… A sacrifice. Her sacrifice. 

The fear that had consumed her faded within seconds, giving place to a strange relief and a sudden burning determination, stronger than nearly any other emotion within her. He would keep her from it, she knew, Cygnus would not allow her to do what she was so certain about in this very moment and forever, he would not… But no. There was no other way, no other choice… She would save him. Druella would save him even if it meant to damn herself, would save her husband’s life and go into Death gladly, smiling, if only it meant for him to awaken, and to heal. 

It would require strength to conjure the spirits from their eternal rest, to do what no one before her had dared even to think about and to bargain with them, strength lost in the countless days of caring for her husband and daughters without rest, yet found again in the moment she had made the decision. It would require strength, courage, and so much more… 

But what did she have to lose, if she had already come so close to losing nearly everything, what did she have to lose if through her sacrifice she were to save her Cygnus, to ensure her daughters a future, as without him… Without him she would live, perhaps, for another year or another decade, yet never be alive. Druella was not afraid. She had never been afraid of dying, had at times not been able to cope with her life and would nearly have longed for eternal relief, hadn’t it been for her husband, hadn’t it been for him… She had never been afraid of dying and was not now, nearly laughed at the thought that so soon it would be over, that so soon he would be… She was not afraid. Had never been afraid.

He was still breathing. One last time Druella assured herself that Cygnus was still breathing, that he was still with her and that she had not faltered for too long, kissed his brow so tenderly and could barely turn away from him, her heart nearly shattering at the thought of leaving him behind in this state, even for a minute. What if he were to…? No. It would be all right. Everything would be all right… So soon it would be over. 

The biting cold hit her with full force as she stepped into the darkness of the night, a Winter’s night like any other and yet so different, yet so special, wrapped tightly into her black woollen cloak, her fingers nearly desperately clasping about her wand and deep red candles beneath the heavy fabric. A dagger, too… She had brought a dagger, her husband’s dagger, too. Druella knew where to go, of course she did, felt as though she had gone into a trance as she moved, walking slowly toward the forest, toward their most sacred spot of nature, a place that had given them shelter countless times, not only for their silent Solstice celebrations. She walked, walked for nearly an hour and refused to Apparate, as she did not dare to waste any of her magic on such foolish things. She walked, allowing her mind to drift for one last time before leading her focus fully to her purpose, her last purpose, her only… 

Trembling with both determination and cold Druella sank to her knees as at last she reached her destination, hidden so well within the woods that it was only for her, only for Cygnus, to find. The candles were forming a circle about her body now, covering her surroundings in a dim, eerie light, but she did not care, could not care about anything as she closed her eyes and began to whisper, quiet incantations of spells she had never believed to one day make use of… She whispered, chanted nearly silently, focusing only on him, only on Cygnus, only on her sole ambition, dared not fall silent, dared not breathe… 

It felt as though she had opened the gates to Hell itself. She was blind, despite having opened her eyes Druella was blind, could see nothing but darkness, could hear nothing but the sudden howling of a storm, faint whispers in the emptiness… Had she been freezing before now there was no trace left of the cold, now it felt as though she were burning, burning from inside… They were here. She had conjured the spirits of the Underworld, had conjured demons, perhaps even Death… They were here… 

She needn’t speak further, needn’t put her burning desire into words, needn’t shed her blood with her dagger as already invisible forces seemed to pull her into the abyss, as already her life, her soul seemed to be drained from her… 

She had not bid her farewell. Druella nearly screamed at the realisation, nearly cried out as she remembered, as she realised that she had not bid her farewell, that she had left and not given her family the chance to… She had not bid her farewell! If he awoke… If Cygnus awoke to find her gone, gone and never to return, if her daughters, her girls… She had not bid her farewell… He would not know, would not understand what had happened, he would not… She had not bid her farewell… 

How could she possibly do this to him? How could she possibly do such a thing to him, how could she possibly hurt him in a way…? She had not bid her farewell! She loved him, Druella loved him so beyond words, would do everything, anything, for him, she loved him so… She had not bid her farewell… He would… And her girls… Her beautiful girls, her sweet daughters… How could she possibly have left without kissing them good-bye, without looking once more into their eyes? And how would Cygnus be capable of explaining what had happened to their mother, of giving them comfort, if he did not know, if…? She had not bid her farewell… It was too fast, it all was so much too fast! 

“Please…” she whispered, nearly choking on her tears that she did not realise had begun to fall from her eyes, could scarcely speak, scarcely… What a fool she had been… What a fool she had been not to… To break his heart, to break _their_ hearts… But how could she undo what she had done, how could she once more pull herself from the shadows? She was theirs now, theirs alone… 

But no. Once more Druella was overcome by the strange feeling of relief that had consumed her earlier, collapsed into the ground and breathed, breathed so deeply… The light had returned to her, faintly and yet she could see, yet it felt as though nothing, nothing at all had happened, as though it were a dream…

“Two hours,” a strange voice would speak so suddenly, terrifying her beyond words, nearly paralysing her… Never before had she heard such a voice, never before had she… “You are granted two hours to bid your farewell. Deliver yourself before sunrise and your sacrifice shall be painless; otherwise we will claim you by force. Our pact is sealed. Your husband is safe.”

Druella’s tears would not cease to flow as she rose from the ground at last, as she began to run, worn out and drained, feeling empty, so empty inside as she realised, truly, what she would be forced to tell him, to do to him, to her girls…

Of course she was happy… Of course she was happy so beyond belief that she had succeeded, that she had saved him, saved her Cygnus, that at home he would await her as though nothing had happened, as though no curse had ever befallen him… And yet her heart weighed heavier within her than it ever had before. But no. No, Druella would not allow herself to waste her remaining hours on such thoughts, she would focus on him, only on him, only on her daughters and watch over them from above as soon as she was forced to leave. Never would she take her eyes off those she loved… Never. 

Cygnus awaited her in the entrance hall of their home, looking strong as though he had never fallen ill, as though he had not slept and been so close to Death… He awaited her, reaching out his arms nearly mechanically to catch her as she collapsed right there before him, overwhelmed by weariness. Cygnus awaited her… And he held her, held her so tight within his arms but did not smile, did not speak to her, merely held her, so gingerly, until her breathing steadied, until she had regained enough of her strength to stand without his assistance. 

They both were unwilling to let go of one another and yet he pulled away, slowly, carefully, only enough to look at her, never releasing her hands. He pulled away… Druella trembled as she saw the look within his eyes, trembled as she realised merely upon seeing his expression that he knew… Everything. Of course he knew. But how? How could he… She gasped for air as she remembered, remembered that she had left the book open upon his bedside table, that she had been too focused on the magic, on the scarce preparations, to bother… He knew… 

Such sadness within his eyes, such grief, such… There was something else, something Druella did not recognise, something she could not read… It frightened her. If only he would speak… Cygnus had never been a man of words, and it had never been necessary, as always they had understood each other in silence, as always they had merely needed to look at one another… And still they did, but he had been silent for too long, for too long she had believed never to hear his voice again and nearly broken at the thought… He had been silent for too long. 

“Ella…” he murmured at last, and she noticed that he was overwhelmed, that he struggled to speak, his voice no louder than a whisper, a faint breath against her ear, yet so full of emotion, so full of love… So full of despair. “ _Cara mia…_ ”

It was everything. To hear him speak out her name was everything, would cause her to forget only for a moment, only for a second, would cause her to forget about everything… To believe that everything was all right… But all too soon she remembered, all too soon the cruel realisation once again hit her with full force. 

Her strength began to crumble then and she collapsed once more into his arms, surrendering to her tears and clinging to him, clinging to him as though she were a child… Two hours… How could two hours possibly be enough for her to bid her farewell? How could she possibly bear to leave him? It was the only way… Of course it was the only way, and yet it pained her, pained her so… How much she loved him… How much she loved them all… It had felt so easy before, so much easier than now, now that she truly realised the full extent of… It was the only way. It was the only way…

“You should have let me go,” he whispered as he held her, and his words were a dagger within her soul, so tender and yet so cruel… There was no anger within his voice, no reproach for what she had done, no disappointment… But still… Still… “It was not worth it, _cara mia…_ It was not worth your sacrifice… Your life for mine… It was not worth it…”

Of course it was. Of course it was… Druella knew that she had made the right decision, would do it again and again without faltering, because couldn’t he see? Couldn’t he see that it was the only way, that… Couldn’t he see how much he meant to her, that he was everything to her, truly, everything? 

“Without you, I will perish, _mon coeur_ ,” she breathed and could only barely suppress a sob, tormented so by the look within his eyes, tormented so by this moment, this moment of reunion that would mean their final good-bye. 

Cygnus needn’t speak out the words for her to understand, to hear them so clearly within her mind. _As will I, Druella._

He kissed her then, kissed her for the first time in what she had perceived to be an eternity, kissed her and they became one once more, he kissed her with such passion, such devotion… He kissed her, and she would not only taste her own tears.

*

The hours had passed too fast. Time would not stand still, would never stand still no matter how despairingly they desired it to, and so the hours had passed, had passed so much too fast… They had not let go of each other, Druella and Cygnus, had not ceased to hold one another except for a minute, except for the moment she had nearly silently entered her daughters’ bedrooms, careful not to wake them in their peaceful sleep, their soothing, childish oblivion of the night’s happenings, as for one last time she kissed them, kissed them so tenderly, as for one last time she cradled Narcissa so gingerly within her arms…

Narcissa, her youngest… She was only an infant, had not yet begun to speak, would not know, never remember her mother as she grew up… And perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps through this she would be spared such sadness, such pain… They were all so young, so young still… Her girls, her beautiful girls… How much she loved them, how much Druella adored them… For a moment she felt she might burst, burst with such emotion, such love for her three daughters… 

The hours had passed too fast. They had considered everything, anything, had thought so despairingly about a solution to save them both, yet come to no conclusion, yet realised and only slowly accepted that she was lost. 

Lost… No. Druella was not lost, she was not lost in the way her husband had been… She had made a vow, a vow to protect her family under any circumstances, and so she would go in peace, with a heart as heavy as lead but still smiling, smiling as she knew that they were safe, that everything would be all right. 

“Let me come with you, _cara mia_ ,” Cygnus had implored her, but no… No, she would not allow him, could not possibly bear for him to watch, to perhaps interfere… If he were to interfere, and if they were to claim them both… No… He needed to stay with the girls, needed to be with them when they woke… They hadn’t seen their father for too long, he had not been capable of holding them for too long… He could not possibly go with her… The agony and the guilt would crush her if she knew him there, forced to… No. She would not allow him. She could not allow him. 

Good-bye… How could this possibly have been good-bye? How could she possibly… how could this have been good-bye? 

The hours had passed too fast. Tears veiled both their eyes as they were forced to let go at last, as they released each other so slowly, so reluctantly, as they kissed, as for one last time they… Never would she feel his lips upon him again, never would she feel his arms around her body, never again… But he was safe. Cygnus was safe… And how gladly, still, she would exchange her own life for his. How glad still she was that she had been capable of relieving him from the fever, of taking the curse from him… How glad she was. 

Druella could barely stand as once more she reached the forest, could barely see, barely breathe as once more she sank to her knees within the long extinct circle of candles, her entire body shaken by silent yet uncontrollable sobs. Never again… Never again would she… She did not beg for the spirits to spare her life after all, did not bargain for both their lives and did not speak, did not conjure them once more as she knew that they were there, still there, waiting for her… She did nothing, nothing at all but merely wept, wept in silence, until her soul was filled with relief, such relief, until slowly, gently, unconsciousness would come to claim her, gingerly carrying her from this life. The spirits had kept their promise. And she had kept hers.

*

The sun had already bathed the forest in a warm, golden light as she awoke, slowly blinking away the sleep from her eyes. She did not know where she was at first, did not know at first what had happened, had no memory of…

Cygnus was kneeling beside her upon the ground, holding her so tightly, cradling her so carefully and yet scarcely looking at her, his body trembling as though he were… He had followed her… He had followed her after all… Druella gasped for air as she realised, as she remembered, noticed only then that she was breathing, that her heart was still beating in the way it had beaten the night before… 

Had it been a dream? Had she merely been dreaming, had it all been nothing but a dream, a terrible nightmare? No. She was there, she was right there in the forest, the candles still encircling her, the dagger still beside her… It had not been a dream. But how? How could it be possible? She had made the sacrifice… Druella had made the sacrifice, she had… How? 

A trial… It must have been a trial, all of it, nothing but a cruel trial of their love, perhaps their faith… Or had their bond, their sacred bond, truly saved them both? Had they truly triumphed over Death? The spirits… They had had mercy with them both… They had redeemed them… 

“Cygnus…” she breathed, stirring within his arms, weak and yet alive, so alive, and only then would he raise his head, his eyes so red, so swollen with deep shadows beneath them… He, too, gasped as he realised that she was looking at him, that she had opened her eyes, incredulous at first, but then… 

“Ella…”

He seemed incapable of speaking further but instead laughed, laughed with such unspeakable relief at this miracle, as what else but a miracle could it be, he laughed and for the first time in all those weeks they both seemed free, free from any worry, free from any pain… Free at last, free from the darkness, the demons that had befallen them. 

Mercy… The spirits had had mercy with them. Druella and Cygnus had conquered Death, had once more proved that their love was stronger than anything, anything at all, that only together they could live, that only together they were capable of existing. The spirits had had mercy with them... 

She, too, began to laugh, would look at him and never cease to look at him, to look into his beautiful blue eyes that were shining again, shining with nothing but pure relief, pure joy. They had triumphed… They had triumphed over everything, conquered the shadows… And now she knew, now Druella knew that, no matter what the future was to bring, no matter about anything, they would never be apart, always together, inseparable, now forever. She knew that, no matter what was still to come, they would triumph. Together, they would triumph. Always.


End file.
